tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17342197264559327982024-03-12T21:45:08.751-07:00Bobaloo, Bubbaloo & The Man That Loves EmMy life as a full time working mother & wife.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger71125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1734219726455932798.post-19065322697939923832014-01-02T08:45:00.000-08:002014-01-02T08:45:03.769-08:0020 weeks!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54489/58/C564EA50455BAEB5C4B15D87CEEE882E.png" style="background: none transparent scroll repeat 0% 0%; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px;" /></a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1734219726455932798.post-32586316382079025832013-12-20T15:46:00.000-08:002013-12-26T16:51:26.907-08:00Half way there!!! And the flu. 19 weeks, 6 days pregnant!<br />
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It's been a rough couple of weeks. I have the flu! Bleh! Talk about miserable! I'm still coughing up a lung 6 days later. Bad, bad stuff. Makes me wish I would have gotten my flu shot. And right before Christmas! 5 days till Christmas and I haven't finished, actually barely started shopping. Oh well.<br />
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In other news baby GIRL is good! That's right, baby girl! We decided to find out the gender during our anatomy scan. Blown away. So HAPPY we're getting our little girl. I haven't done very well in the weight gain area. I'm not exactly working out with the flu. Soon, hopefully soon. As soon as this congestion clears that is.<br />
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So around 16 weeks the dreaded PUPPS returned!! I pretty much wanted to die thinking of dealing with that horrific rash again and for more than half my pregnancy! So I dove head first into the remedies my midwife suggested and also some I found online. I started taking dandelion root caps, drinking a TON of water with lemon, hot water with lemon and honey in the morning, bathing daily in Grandpa's Pine Tar soap then lathering pure alo Vera on my skin right after. CLEARED after 7 days!! Miracle I tell you!!! I will continue with the above treatment for the rest of my pregnancy. Just incase.<br />
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Belly pic? I'll upload one later. When I dont feel like death. It's definitely poking out there! <3 10-12="" about="" gain="" i="" lbs.="" m......="" nbsp="" ok="" p="" that.="" weight="" with=""><a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54489/58/C564EA50455BAEB5C4B15D87CEEE882E.png" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-bottom-width: 0px !important; border-color: initial !important; border-left-width: 0px !important; border-right-width: 0px !important; border-style: initial !important; border-top-width: 0px !important;" /></a><!--3--></3>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1734219726455932798.post-90674605061228537982013-11-15T10:15:00.000-08:002013-11-15T10:15:37.404-08:0014 Weeks 6 days<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Okay, I've MADE myself decide to keep a pregnancy journal here on the blog. Because, well. It’s my last. Baby. :)<br />
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How far along: 14 weeks 6 days<br />
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Total weight gain: 4lbs Current weight 112, started at 108. (I started at 107 with Aden, so YAY for being at my pre pregnancy weight with the start of this new baby!<br />
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Maternity clothes: Not yet. I have been wearing my clothes from after I had Aden and went back to work. So it counts for sure. I can no longer button my jeans! I think it's time to go shopping this weekend...<br />
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Stretch marks: Not yet. <br />
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Sleep: Waking one a night to pee and several times to blow my nose. I've had a runny nose my entire pregnancy so far... yay me! Not. <br />
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Best moment of this week: My belly has popped out a bit. And James loves rubbing it already. :)<br />
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Miss anything: RUNNING!! I've tried to stay pretty active and I'm doing well so far, but I miss the heart pounding, sweat dripping work outs I had this last summer. <br />
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Movement: Not yet. I feel a heavy sensation very frequently though, mostly on my BLADDER. Get off.<br />
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Food cravings: Queso and chips and SOUP. <br />
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Anything making you queasy or sick: Greek yogurt. <br />
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Have you started to show yet: Yep. There's something in there...<br />
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Gender: Unknown. I've had dreams of it being a boy and girl. So who knows? :)<br />
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Labor signs: No. <br />
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Belly button in or out: In. <br />
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Wedding rings on or off: On. Let's hope it stays that way. With Aden it was off around 7 mos. <br />
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Happy or moody most of the time: Happy and sick. Stupid nasal congestion. <br />
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Looking forward to: Thanksgiving with my dad's side of the family! I can’t wait to see everyone and chow down on the yummy food. <br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1734219726455932798.post-72727154176656737762013-09-18T09:29:00.000-07:002013-11-15T09:35:19.483-08:007 weeks 4 Days
Although I havent utitilized this blog in about ...2 years, I figure this next chapture in ours lives calls for some sort of written documentation. I'm pregnant. 7 weeks and 4 days to be exact. Sure we've been TTC for about 6 months, but the shock of the two pink lines was still disarming. The thoughts of my two miscarraiges come flooding back, however unwelcome I tell myself they are. It's still there, the panic and worry. I over analyis every sympotom or lack there of. Speaking of symptoms my current sympotoms are mild neasea that tends to become much more profound after eating. Eating a large meal nowdays is out of the question. I've only vomited in the morning while brushing my teeth, but have had a constant neausea most days that has me wanting to vomit. With Aden I was very neaseas if I had an empty stomach at all. It seems to be the opposite with this one. We havent made the news public yet...waiting till around week 10 or so... or until I see/ hear a heartbeat. James and I have decided the best route to go to acheive a natural vbac birth is in a free standing birth center with a midwife. My first appoinement with Dinah will be next week, Oct. 3rd. From what I understand the first appointment with a midwife will be much different than my former, typical OB visits. A typical OB prenatal initial visit would include an ultrasound to date the pregnancy. The midwife will go off my LMP. This unsettles me for one reason only. I wont get to hear the heart beat this time. It kills me. I need to see or hear it. But I know this is the best route for my baby and myself. I should be able to start hearing the heart beat at around 10 wks via doppler.
<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54489/58/C564EA50455BAEB5C4B15D87CEEE882E.png" style="border: 0 !important; background: transparent;"/></a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1734219726455932798.post-13003678956226904592011-07-25T12:23:00.000-07:002011-09-28T09:23:53.799-07:00On having a two-year-old, daycare and future plans for siblingsI have a two-year-old! Aden turned two July 6th and I'm still amazed at how quickly our time has flown by since we welcomed him into our world. I'm a horrible mom because he hasn't had an official birthday party, yet. Uh oh. Really? Yes, we went to Galveston & Houston for some much needed time away, and then we had one of the most horrible weeks ever, when we put him in daycare for a week, therefore postponing any birthday celebrations. <br />
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Daycare...I always said I was never going to do it. All the stigmas that are attached to daycare had me feeling sick just thinking about placing my child in such a place for 10-12 hours a day! And my suspicions actually partially came true when we did decide to place him in one a couple of weeks ago. I picked a daycare in Forney, where we live, for one huge reason - it had web cams. I thought any place that had web cams, where I could watch him throughout the day AND had a pretty darn good curriculum was a win-win situation. <br />
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Not.so.much. <br />
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I feel bad when I think about it now. I should have taken more time to look at the surrounding daycares. A red flag should have popped up when the director acted nervous and unsure of herself during our tour. All and all? The place was shady. On the "web cam", which was kind of a joke as the picture was horrible and you could barely tell the kids apart, I saw Aden standing around for most of the day. Lost. Being a new toddler in the class you would think the teacher would welcome him into the class and make sure he felt apart of the group. Didn't happen. Another thing? They didn't offer him water. At all. As everyone knows, he's a breastfed baby, still is. He doesn't like cows milk, never has, probably never will. He would come home thirsty beyond belief. It didn't take more than picking him up that last Friday and seeing he had dried snot on his face along with a bite make on his back and I didn't bring him back. <br />
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So, the search was on once again. This time I visited every place in Forney. Some were nice, others were scary, and we put down our Registration fee, to hold our spot, on a brand new private school that just opened 6 months ago. I was impressed with the "feel" of the center, it has homey and the kids seemed happy. I was also impressed with the owner and director, she listened to all of our concerns and made us feel very confident that Aden would be receiving the attention he deserves as well as being exposed to their awesome, "award winning," curriculum. And at the end of the day that's what I know he needs. A head start in school with a good curriculum, as well as the Socialization he'll receive from being around the other kids. It's pretty neat to think that the kids he'll being going to daycare (private school) with, are the same kids he'll be going to actual school with. That's why I'm so hell-bent on staying in Forney and giving Aden the stability he needs throughout his youth. I didn't have it in my later youth and that makes me realize just how important it is for Aden to have.<br />
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I've been mulling over the thought of another child. For months actually and I just can’t come up with a way to make it work right now. In three years...when I'm....30, James and I will re-visit the idea and make a final decision then. I'm still young and 30 isn't too late of an age to become a mother of two. I get frustrated with working full time and dealing with all the stress that comes along with having a toddler that sometimes I proclaim that I'm not having anymore children! But, the truth is- I'd like to have one more baby. I'd love to be a family of four. Just as long as we're able to live happily with that decision should we decide to have another. I don't want to make life impossible for us in the process. I'd rather have the freedom to do nice things with Aden than to struggle horribly should we have another and the timing isn't just right. So, to that end, the answer is: "We will see".<br />
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Being a family of three is just peachy for now!<br />
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P.S. I'm still at 112 and totally rockin steady at it. I still want to get to 105 here within the next 30 days. Every time I look in the mirror.. I'M LOVING IT!!! After two years of baby weight it's FINALLY coming off and I'm getting my former (kinda) body back. <br />
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<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54489/58/C564EA50455BAEB5C4B15D87CEEE882E.png" style="background: none transparent scroll repeat 0% 0%; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px;" /></a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1734219726455932798.post-20084707767905801022011-06-17T13:28:00.000-07:002011-10-06T11:47:15.740-07:00The Man That Loves EmThis dude.. Totally rocks. Did I ever have any doubt that he would be such an amazing father? Nope. It's in him... It's in him down to his very bones. The thing about my husband? - he loves hard and with all he has. I remember when I was pregnant how he'd talk to Aden and rub on my belly. At night he'd put his arm around my huge belly and Aden always seemed to give him a little kick..maybe saying: "Get the hell off me" or "Hey, Dad". I'd say they had their own little bond going on before Aden was even born. <br />
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Oh, when Aden was born, was there ever a happier father than James? I think not. He thought he was all special and shit because he got to hold him first due to that damned c-section. Obviously, totally my right to hold the baby first! But, at that moment, I couldn't be happier that James finally got to feel what it was like to be so close to that little miracle. Love, isn't a strong enough word. <br />
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We were both so very happy and proud that we made this little person 100 % out our love for each other. Just like it was James' turn to hold the baby first, Father's Day is his time to be cherished for what he is, a wonderful, amazing, caring and nurturing Father. <br />
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I think I can speak for both Aden and myself, when I say, thank you for everything! You're the worlds best daddy and we love you & appreciate you so much for what you do and who you are to us everyday.<br />
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I remember when we came home from the hospital, I wasn't able to do much and was in a great deal of pain from the c-section. James did everything. He changed ALL of Aden's diapers, he handed Aden to me to nurse when he was hungry, then took him back to burp him. He'd clean up the house and make the meals too. He'd walk him around the apartment, bouncing him and talking softly when Aden was fussy.<br />
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Now, things haven't changed much at all.<br />
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He still gets up every Saturday & Sunday and takes Aden in the living room to watch cartoons, while letting me sleep in. A trade off, since I've always been the one to get up at night with Aden (Yes, even now at almost 2 yrs old) and let's face it, I'm the only one with the Tit-Ta's so James is no help in that regard. Not unless Aden wants "hairy titty" as James would call it. <br />
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So, THANK YOU to the dude, that is a totally awesome father, even after working all week and sometimes coasting on 4 or 5 hrs of sleep. He still makes time to tickle some ribs, play outside, ride the horses, mow the lawn or kick back and watch Monsters for the 1020140th time with his Bubbaloo. <br />
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Happy Father's Day and keep on rockin daddy, we love you!<br />
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<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54489/58/C564EA50455BAEB5C4B15D87CEEE882E.png" style="background: none transparent scroll repeat 0% 0%; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px;" /></a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1734219726455932798.post-38698800899493717112011-06-13T08:52:00.000-07:002011-06-13T08:52:20.628-07:00Must be doing something rightI fully expected to NOT be able to reach my goal of 110 by the end of the month, and the start of my vacation. I was doing the low-calorie thing and it was working, just very slowly. At about a pound a week and if I cheated on the weekend, the weight would be right back up a pound or two. <br />
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Let me stop right here and explain myself, I don't hate my body. My body has carried and given birth to a nearly 10 lb BEAUTIFUL baby boy and I'm proud of it. I also realize my stomach may never look the same. But, who's to expect the stomach of a 16 year old, when you're pushing 27? I don't. But, I do want to feel confident in my own skin, in a two piece bikini. And since I've been "dieting" and exercising I feel WONDERFUL. You cant understand what certain foods do to your body and how they make you feel physically until you stop eating them.<br />
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In the last 3 years I've come a long way. I may have been a smokin 105 three years ago, but I also ate like crap and smoked like a chimney. I'm proud of being smoke free for almost three years. There's a point where I never thought I'd say those words. I don't judge people for smoking, I know just what kind of hold it has on people. It had on me. I'm just saying it can be done! I have my main motivation sitting at Grandma's right now. My sweet Aden. He's about to be two! He's talking up a STORM. It's still unreal to me and my heart hurts when I think about all the love he has brought into my life. Thank you baby boy, I love you more than the sun does shine and the moon does glow!<br />
<br />
Back to the weight loss. It's happening. I'm down to 115 today. HOLLA!! This South Beach diet must be working. Or is it the Seabuckthorn juice that I've been taking going on three days? I'm not sure but I don't have to step on the scale to measure my weight loss. I can see it. My legs are slim, my face is thinner, my stomach is bordering on wanting to be flat. At this rate I'll totally make my deadline. Only down-side, I've lost a huge amount of fat off my ass. I always wanted a J-Lo booty, it just ain't in the cards for me yo. And that's okay too. <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54489/58/C564EA50455BAEB5C4B15D87CEEE882E.png" style="background: none transparent scroll repeat 0% 0%; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px;" /></a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1734219726455932798.post-61383235052126929382011-06-06T07:25:00.000-07:002011-09-30T13:24:25.229-07:00Monday "Weigh In"So, I skipped last Monday. It was a crazy week. I was in a horse related accident, which left me with a broken tail bone. But, after over a week of healing I'm doing pretty darn well. I should be able to resume at least walking today. My weight loss wasn't where I wanted it to be though. Today I'm at 118.6, which is about 2 lbs off schedule. I feel pretty good about it though, at least I didn't gain or flat line without the exercise!<br />
<br />
My new goal for this week is 116.6. If I do what I've set out to do my weight at the time of our vacation will be around 112. I'd be happy with that for now. My sister called me to let me know about a new "miracle berry" Dr Oz was featuring on his show. Sea of Buckthorn, it's thought it very well may prevent your body from storing excess fat. There was a study conducted on two groups of rats that were fed the same high fat diet. One group became extremely obese and had resulting health problems such as diabetes and heart problems, while the other group that was given the Sea of Buckthorn daily, maintained a healthy weight without any of the health problems the other mice had. <br />
<br />
I totally ordered me some. I know, it's only a study on rats and considering I'm not obese it may not aid me in losing any weight, but it's worth a shot. Especially considering it's all natural. I'm still nursing Aden, so diet pills or anything of that sort is not an option for me. We will see!<br />
<br />
Happy Monday!<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54489/58/C564EA50455BAEB5C4B15D87CEEE882E.png" style="background: none transparent scroll repeat 0% 0%; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px;" /></a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1734219726455932798.post-69375405267635116362011-06-01T11:47:00.000-07:002011-06-02T09:28:30.776-07:00With my son, I will NOT<span data-jsid="text">Spank him.</span><br />
<br />
Call him names.<br />
<br />
Threaten never to speak to him again.<br />
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I will never stop apologizing when I'm wrong.<br />
<br />
Use guilt or pull the "mom" card with him.<br />
<br />
Turn my back on him in times of need or otherwise.<br />
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Make him feel as if he is not wanted or a bother to me.<br />
<br />
Judge him.<br />
<br />
Put my needs OR wants above his.<br />
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Criticize his wife or speak unkindly of her to him.<br />
<br />
Force him to play sports.<br />
<br />
Give him alcohol.<br />
<br />
Make him feel as if he should marry a girl because she is pregnant. <br />
<br />
Live vicariously through him.<br />
<br />
Treat him differently than any future siblings.<br />
<br />
Deny him a shoulder to cry on, a helping hand, an open mind, or unconditional love.<br />
<br />
I know it's hard to say never, but I hope that I have learned from my childhood & past & I hope to correct those mistakes with my own son. <br />
<br />
In a world so full of hatefulness and hurt, I just want him to feel secure, loved and accepted. <br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54489/58/C564EA50455BAEB5C4B15D87CEEE882E.png" style="background: none transparent scroll repeat 0% 0%; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px;" /></a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1734219726455932798.post-32034542878998707792011-05-23T08:50:00.000-07:002011-05-23T08:50:45.678-07:00Hello...MondayEvery Monday, I'll be doing a weigh in... So, just to recap my weekend, I had a few slip-ups in the food department, but not too bad and I stayed within my calorie range pretty good. Today, I'm weighing in at 120.8 lbs! Yay! I met my goal for last week, which means my new goal for this week is 118.8. Hopefully I'll have that accomplished by Sunday. <br />
<br />
<br />
I really must give a special thanks to the best husband in the world. He worked out with me 6 times last week. Yes, 6 times. And the man doesn’t have any weight to lose, at all. It's all toning for him I suppose, but he does it for me mostly. Which is awesome, who could ask for more? <br />
<br />
Every time we go on our jogs I'm just amazed at how beautiful the little town we live in is. We live out of town, in the "country", and the back roads are just lovely. You can smell the crisp scent of spring in the air as we walk/jog down rolling paved roads, everything is green and wildflowers grow in the open fields abundantly. I always stop and pick Aden a couple, which he loves. <br />
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<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-yU2gUDEtyJY/TdqAfbK0pSI/AAAAAAAAAL0/Ib7WIVPqoQ4/s1600/228073_2002817066630_1129683158_32307717_2157690_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640px" j8="true" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-yU2gUDEtyJY/TdqAfbK0pSI/AAAAAAAAAL0/Ib7WIVPqoQ4/s640/228073_2002817066630_1129683158_32307717_2157690_n.jpg" width="480px" /></a></div><br />
He gets the curls from me.<br />
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<br />
Happy Monday!!<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54489/58/C564EA50455BAEB5C4B15D87CEEE882E.png" style="background: none transparent scroll repeat 0% 0%; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px;" /></a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1734219726455932798.post-83305154783891540952011-05-18T11:51:00.000-07:002011-05-18T11:51:04.396-07:00Vanity PoundsThe baby weight is still here. 17 lbs of it to be exact. While I'm considered to be well within "normal" for my weight regarding my age and height, I don't feel normal. <br />
<br />
So, I've started a low calorie diet that includes walk/jogging 5 days a week. I try to stay under 1200 calories a day with about half and hour of exercise. It's working so far. In December I was at 129, today I'm at 122, progress I suppose. But, we have a vacation planned in six weeks and I've set a goal of 2-3 lbs to lose every 7 days. <br />
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It's going to be hard. I'm not used to not being able to eat whatever I want. Hell, in high school I struggled to gain weight at 90 lbs soaking wet, completely different ball game now. <br />
<br />
I'm ready, let's burn some belly fat!!<br />
<br />
Here's a pic of the new bathing suit I've ordered and my main motivation. Yeah, It's vain of me, but not as vain as wanting to pay off my debt in the next two years in order to buy a nice set of silicone C cup boobs? Eh? That's what I'm doing next in the vanity department after I obtain my flat stomach. <br />
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<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-RNJDz074Wjg/TdQUOhl10lI/AAAAAAAAALw/WxxPTUnUJm4/s1600/V296690.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640px" j8="true" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-RNJDz074Wjg/TdQUOhl10lI/AAAAAAAAALw/WxxPTUnUJm4/s640/V296690.jpg" width="472px" /></a></div><br />
<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54489/58/C564EA50455BAEB5C4B15D87CEEE882E.png" style="background: none transparent scroll repeat 0% 0%; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px;" /></a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1734219726455932798.post-62767150994681012032011-05-18T09:00:00.000-07:002011-09-28T09:18:33.939-07:00The "Sperminator"Okay, after hearing countless stories about the "Sperminator", aka Schwarzenegger, and his "cheating" escapades, it got me to thinking. Why is it so effin difficult for people to just stay faithful? We hear about all the scandals that come from big celebrity names, but it happens everyday, to everyday people. Cheating has horrible affects on EVERYONE, especially when children are involved. I know for a fact that some people, mainly women, think it's just peachy to cheat and they'll get away with it because they have children to use as "collateral". Think again, people. If you will truly have SEX with another human being while you are in a committed relationship, than you don't truly love that person and should have called it off way before that ship ever thought about sailing. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-u0JzwuOYwqw/TdPuoQKv97I/AAAAAAAAALo/hbRYziNm8Gw/s1600/Arnold_Schwarzenegger_May17newsnez-300x199.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" j8="true" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-u0JzwuOYwqw/TdPuoQKv97I/AAAAAAAAALo/hbRYziNm8Gw/s1600/Arnold_Schwarzenegger_May17newsnez-300x199.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
I get it, relationships are difficult, but they're worth it. To have someone to love forever, to grow old with and share your life with, to have babies and grand babies together, isn't that worth it?<br />
<br />
<br />
I'll be the first person to say that you really cant say you'd do something differently than another person has done, until you are put in their shoes, which of course you'll never be. But, this is one subject that I have seen, first hand, the devastation that comes from cheating significant others, and I can firmly say, I wouldn't do it. And if for some crazy, off the wall reason, I did, I wouldn't keep it from my husband. Which, I can also say with very strong conviction that if I did, my husband would leave me and I wouldn't blame him one bit because I would do that same, if the situation was reversed. The reason I say that is because if my husband was to betray me in such a horrible way, I could never get over it. It is the ultimate betrayal, hands down. <br />
<br />
My husband and I actually started dating as teenagers after EACH of our then current "boy/girl-friends" cheated on us. Even then, being so young, it was such a horrible betrayal for both of us. Which maybe that's why we see eye to eye on that matter 100%.<br />
<br />
<br />
In ending, I'd just like to say, feel the need for another? Seek some counselling to find out what the true meaning of your wandering eye is about. If that doesn't help? Save alot of hurt feelings, be the bigger person, and ask for the split.<br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-QzMTD3FVVyw/TdPvf1lQ5xI/AAAAAAAAALs/d7I3RJ8UyyI/s1600/C564EA50455BAEB5C4B15D87CEEE882E.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" j8="true" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-QzMTD3FVVyw/TdPvf1lQ5xI/AAAAAAAAALs/d7I3RJ8UyyI/s1600/C564EA50455BAEB5C4B15D87CEEE882E.png" /></a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1734219726455932798.post-56525092105629307292011-05-11T07:28:00.000-07:002011-05-11T07:28:13.625-07:00In which I talk about the major sucking of this blog..I did it. I let all the negative crap going on push me away from things I love doing. Riding? Eh, not much.. Blogging? Eh..pretty much fell off the map. <br />
<br />
It's cool though..I've got some things on my mind...just a few. And I plan to write about it. Why? Because I have no shame. So, I'm giving fair warning to family and friends that read this (hopefully someone does), if you don't care to read about my sex life, weight loss, family issues, daycare issues..this wont be your cup of tea. Kthx<br />
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P.S. Yes, I still plan to spill my guts about Aden too, soon. <br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54489/58/C564EA50455BAEB5C4B15D87CEEE882E.png" style="background: none transparent scroll repeat 0% 0%; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px;" /></a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1734219726455932798.post-39272985319935758442011-03-08T07:49:00.000-08:002011-09-30T13:30:09.812-07:00Feel the tide turningI feel the tide turning... I look to the future and know that there are great things ahead. I have to believe that good people get what they deserve and that there is justice in this world. No more worrying and waiting. It's done and over, we will do what we feel is best, as we've always done. <br />
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I'm at peace knowing that I have so many blessings in my life. All the hard work will pay off. It already has. Everything I've ever dreamt for is what I already have, I'm embracing it. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-BvvPvrLdxpg/TXZMFvFYdLI/AAAAAAAAALk/E4p7497ngFg/s1600/untitled.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" q6="true" src="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-BvvPvrLdxpg/TXZMFvFYdLI/AAAAAAAAALk/E4p7497ngFg/s400/untitled.bmp" width="300" /></a></div>
<br />
Life is hard. Life as a full time working mother is harder. But, I've come to realize that by working, I'm able to give Aden things he wouldn’t other wise have. I don’t mean material things such as toys and clothes, although those things are nice too. I mean James and I are able to provide him with a home in a great school district, without both of our incomes, that simply would not be possible. So, if I'm working to simply pay for a home and the other very basic needs of our family, I'm okay with that. <br />
<br />
Even though I'm working all those hours, at the end of the day, when I go to pick him up, I hear him run to the door saying "Mama Mama Mama” and it's all worth it. <br />
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There are things that get put on the back burner when you are as busy as we are. For instance.... the relationship that you had with your husband, before mother/fatherhood was in the picture. I'm proud to say that my relationship with my wonderful, handsome husband is alive and thriving. We made a conscious decision to make time for each other, and to make the time we get alone count. And it's working, we have lunch at the park together when the weather is nice, we make the time we have in the car to and from work count... We just took a step back from all the stress to see the bigger picture and the reason for it all...our love. <br />
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So, I guess what I'm trying to say is.....<br />
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Screw the B/S from situations we can not control.<br />
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It's okay to be a working mother, my son still loves me and I'm still his favorite person no matter what.<br />
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Making time to nurture and care for the love that brought this all together is well worth it..<br />
<br />
<br />
Like falling in love all over again.<br />
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<br />
<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54489/58/C564EA50455BAEB5C4B15D87CEEE882E.png" style="background: none transparent scroll repeat 0% 0%; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px;" /></a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1734219726455932798.post-55014602672512684912011-01-28T08:14:00.000-08:002011-10-06T11:54:44.949-07:00Yeah, Yeah, so the baby was "Big" Whatever..After much research regarding the whole *birthing* process, I look back on my birth experience and think WTF. I mean really, I had no clue that doctors would use scare tactics on you to convince you one way or the other that during your labor you will need countless interventions and ultimately end up with a C-section. I think they secretly think **yessss** when your ultrasound predicts you're growing a "large" baby. That way if your labor stalls and you don't produce the required 1 cm per hour they can just chalk it up to the baby being too **big**, call for a c-section, and call it a day.<br />
<br />
<br />
I hate that. <br />
<br />
Coming to that conclusion was very difficult for me to accept. I mean the doctor I **still** see is a fabulous and caring person. He is quite possibly the most charismatic person I've ever encountered. He's even my freakin facebook friend. He makes you love him. I would love to see him with my next pregnancy, but I ain't gonna. <br />
<br />
Now, looking at his C-section rate, it makes me sick. He's one of the highest around. I know exactly what would happen shall I see him with my next pregnancy. <br />
<br />
Next time, I want a med-free, all natural, VAGINAL birth or in my case a VBAC. I want to push my baby out, regardless of the *size*, have him/her thrown on my stomach, be able to nurse right away and go home within the standard 2 days and not worry about all the obstables that comes from giving birth via C-section. As opposed to having drugs injected into your spine, feeling like you cant breathe while the doctor cuts your baby out, wait almost an hour before you can breastfeed, feel like a horrible failure, and stay 4 days in the hospital to then go home and spend WEEKS recovering from major abdominal surgery. Not to mention all the *risk* that go along with that surgery and the future *risk* it could very well cause with future pregnancies. <br />
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I want a vaginal delivery. It's my god given right as a woman.<br />
<br />
<br />
I guess what I'm trying to say is next time, I'm going to trust my body first and the doctor second. <br />
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Happy Friday! Looking forward to following some new blogs! <br />
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<a href="http://yourworkistodiscoveryourworld.blogspot.com/search/label/freakin%27%20friday"><img alt="bloghopbutton" height="200" src="http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1307/5188648574_061fbbde73_m.jpg" width="200" /></a><br />
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<a href="http://www.smartandtrendymoms.com/search/label/socialparade" target="_blank"><img alt="Smart and Trendy Moms" border="0" src="http://i778.photobucket.com/albums/yy64/smartandtrendymoms/Untitled-1.png" /></a><br />
<br />
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<a href="http://www.thechattymommy.com/2011/01/friday-follow-with-chatty-mommy.html" target="_blank"><img src="http://i288.photobucket.com/albums/ll194/andersen49/fridayfollow.jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54489/58/C564EA50455BAEB5C4B15D87CEEE882E.png" style="background: none transparent scroll repeat 0% 0%; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px;" /></a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1734219726455932798.post-71208421452661789672011-01-27T12:16:00.000-08:002011-01-27T12:16:37.491-08:0018 Months..To my sweet Bubbaloo,<br />
<br />
<br />
You're just a few days away from turning 19 months old. Everyone says the time flys by when you have children, and I think they're right for the most part, time seems to speed up as we age altogether. Every now and then I go back and watch videos from when you were an infant, like this one taken when you first started to crawl around 9 months ago. <br />
<br />
<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="344" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/wSpHSmu6wxU?fs=1" width="425"></iframe><br />
<br />
To me it seems just yesterday... then I see you today, running around, climbing, talking and realize what a big, handsome toddler you have become. You're so very smart and have such a fierce little attitude, just like your mommy. You have no problem telling anyone sitting in the rocking chair to "MOVE", while waving your arm boldly, when you want me to rock and nurse you. After much thought and consideration, I've decided to let you nurse until you're two, you're welcome. <br />
<br />
I'm not sad that you're no longer a baby though. I'm really diggin the whole Toddler stage. In fact when I think about you getting older I'm actually excited. When I was pregnant all I could think of was you as a little baby. The fact that we get to keep you and watch you grow into your own little person is amazing. <br />
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Going outside is still on your top list of favorite things to do. You climb onto your power wheels you got for Christmas and have such a proud look as you haul tail around the yard. The horses look at you like you're a little monster that's going to sprout wings and fly over the fence to eat them at any moment, but that's just a bonus. <br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_P-omzcnmSC8/TUHNG2UaQ-I/AAAAAAAAALY/ADOwoH1Q1vc/s1600/166243_1720154400240_1129683158_31872756_2963317_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" s5="true" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_P-omzcnmSC8/TUHNG2UaQ-I/AAAAAAAAALY/ADOwoH1Q1vc/s400/166243_1720154400240_1129683158_31872756_2963317_n.jpg" width="300" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_P-omzcnmSC8/TUHNPgxS-jI/AAAAAAAAALc/x5Or-kIC38E/s1600/166530_1728271803170_1129683158_31894101_3828833_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" s5="true" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_P-omzcnmSC8/TUHNPgxS-jI/AAAAAAAAALc/x5Or-kIC38E/s400/166530_1728271803170_1129683158_31894101_3828833_n.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div>Here's to all the new and wonderful adventures to come, my sweet little man. <br />
<br />
Love,<br />
<br />
Mama<br />
<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54489/58/C564EA50455BAEB5C4B15D87CEEE882E.png" style="background: none transparent scroll repeat 0% 0%; border-bottom: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px;" /></a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1734219726455932798.post-52998743905640015332011-01-21T14:03:00.000-08:002011-01-21T14:03:23.485-08:00A little bit of this....A little bit of thatFirst off, Aden is 18 mos old, and this kid rocks my world. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_P-omzcnmSC8/TTn6HZxUz4I/AAAAAAAAAKc/1RhIQG9iDjQ/s1600/179368_1746307094041_1129683158_31928573_5261896_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="480" s5="true" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_P-omzcnmSC8/TTn6HZxUz4I/AAAAAAAAAKc/1RhIQG9iDjQ/s640/179368_1746307094041_1129683158_31928573_5261896_n.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><br />
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He's starting to say simple sentences such as "Mama rock, Mama Tit Ta, Da Da MOVE" Yeah, the boy has his Mama's attitude for sure. Poor, Poor James. He also loves to sing and dance. So sweet, I really must get it on video asap. His favorite show is Nemo and Cars at the moment and his favorite thing is..... you guessed it ....still.... Tit Ta. I have a feeling the kid would stay on the boob indefinitely if I don't take him off. Which I've decided will be around the 2 year mark. <br />
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Current News with me is Miscarriages suck major ass and James and I lost our lil baby just a week ago. I was only about 6 weeks along but it sucked hard, nonetheless. We'll start trying again, sometime soon probably. The good news is the very first "try" I got pregnant. With two miscarriages under my belt I'm figuring I'm done in that department. Crossing my fingers next time sticks. So send some sticky baby vibes my way eh?? It does make me feel a little better knowing I have wonderful family and friends that care deeply for me and send me things like this to work when I've lost my sweet baby to be..<br />
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My sister rocks my world too. <br />
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I have other not so thrilling news but I prefer to block that out and pretend all is right in my world at the moment.<br />
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So I haven't been blogging lately and Thanksgiving came....<br />
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And then Christmas:<br />
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Now tell me that didn't make you smile??<br />
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And then our yearly trip to the Dallas World Aquarium. This was 2010 photo:<br />
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These are from this year 2011:<br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">And tell me that isn't the most handsome guy on the freakin face of the planet?!?</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
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</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1734219726455932798.post-6849472893511303932010-12-07T12:33:00.000-08:002010-12-07T12:40:56.925-08:0017 Month letterMy dearest Aden,<br />
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You are now 17 months old! You've grown into an active toddler right before my eyes. Your infancy went by so quickly I find myself struggling to remember the sweet baby sounds that you used to make or exactly how you looked and changed each month as you grew older. Thank goodness for camera's right? Although I've been falling behind on that job lately, seems there aren't enough hours in the day to accomplish all I set out to do. Yeah, I'm still a little bitter about not being able to stay home with you and enjoy each and every minute. So I make the time I do get quality and spoil you as much as I can. <br />
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Speaking of spoiling.....It's Christmas time again. Your first Christmas, last year, you were just five months old, just rolling around starting to explore your world. Now, you are running full force through the house ((***sigh***)), yelling at the dog and following your daddy everywhere as if he hung the moon. When you wake in the morning he is the very first person you look for. If he's not next to me in bed you yell "DAAA DA DA" until he comes in to scoop you up. I look forward to Christmas this year a great deal seeing as you will certainly be able to rip open all of your presents and show your eagerness to play with your new toys. <br />
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Your smiles and happiness are what is most important in my life now. I can say without a shadow of a doubt that I would give up anything, do anything, to make you happy and to help you succeed in this life. As this life can be so difficult at times. I want you to know that no matter what happens in the future, or what decisions you make, your daddy and I will be there to help you. You will never be alone. <br />
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Thank you for making my life so much more meaningful than I could have imagined. <br />
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Love you always,<br />
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Momma<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_P-omzcnmSC8/TP6bOGPlJ4I/AAAAAAAAAKU/KUFBD-2XqIs/s1600/69774_1672924099512_1129683158_31776646_7204094_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="480" ox="true" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_P-omzcnmSC8/TP6bOGPlJ4I/AAAAAAAAAKU/KUFBD-2XqIs/s640/69774_1672924099512_1129683158_31776646_7204094_n.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1734219726455932798.post-68892214925596392572010-11-17T13:03:00.000-08:002011-10-06T12:03:41.152-07:00ThanksgivingIt's coming so fast this year. It seems like it was just yesterday Aden was 11 wks old and I had to drag my Unwilling butt back to work. Now, he's 16 months old and about to enjoy his second Thanksgiving. I love this holiday. My family does it BIG every year. Tons of great food, movies and games of football in the yard. <br />
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This year we're having it at my house. Which I'm excited and nervous about. Hopefully everything will live up to all the other wonderful Thanksgiving's we've had at Krystal's house. I've decided to take off the entire week this year. James and I have some things we'd like to complete at the house before the big day. Like the kitchen cabinets. They're horrible and plain right now. We hope to have the time to re-paint and put new hardware up. Martha Stewart has some awesome collections at HD. <br />
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I'm also so very excited to meet our newest addition, baby Connor, oh I cant wait to hold him. I feel just terrible I haven't seen him yet, hopefully he'll forgive his aunt Brynn. But, in my defense, I've been sick on and off with colds for the last month! <br />
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Oh, the joys of toddler hood! The rate in which time is moving now is un-real. Being a full time working mother I feel as if his entire infancy was like sand through my fingers and now I'm feeling the same about his toddler-hood. The one thing that hasn't changed is the nursing. That boy loves to nurse. I'm trying to slowly wean him but it's just not working very well. On average he still wakes at least twice at night to nurse. I'm tired. I hope to completely have him weaned AT LEAST by the time he is two. Let's just keep our fingers crossed. <br />
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I have so many things to be grateful for this year. A wonderful healthy, happy family, a baby-sitter that is absolutely wonderful with Aden, a lovely home in the country and a career that has been stable for both James and I. Things aren't perfect of course. There are things I'd love to change but at this moment I am content. <br />
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2009 Thanksgiving<br />
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Our ten year anniversary is coming up in December. It's been a long road, full times trying times. We've had more than our fair share of struggles, all of which have molded James and I into who we are today. I wouldn't take any of it back. And now it seems our relationship is growing more and more solid with each day that passes. Marriage is very hard work, but anything that is worth having always comes with hard work. <br />
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And I don't mind that one bit.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1734219726455932798.post-55098737174981198452010-11-05T11:49:00.000-07:002011-10-06T12:06:26.680-07:00HalloweenHalloween was a blast! Aden went as a scarecrow and had tons of fun trick or treating around the neighborhood with his cousins!<br />
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There was only two missing! Lillian and Connor!<br />
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Aden is now 16 months old! He astonishes me every day with how incredibly smart he is. He uses the potty every night before bath time. He has now successfully peed 7 times in the potty and has made a number 2 once! I am amazed that he can do this on command. Really, I sit him on his potty and tell him "okay, time to pee pee or poo poo" and he looks down, concentrates, then goes. It is the coolest. thing. ever. Last night he did something new, after he peed, he pointed at the toilet paper. James gave him a piece and he reached down and wiped himself. HA, yes, I know, my kid's a freaking genius. Such a genius that he has already picked up some nice phrases, like he was talking to Mi Mi on the phone and told her to "shut up", yeah I take no responsibility for that people. <br />
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Let's see, words he can now say include, Mama, Dada, dog, Bo, Eyes, Ear, Nose, Bath, NO, Yeah, Bye, Hi, Hello, Tractor, Fish, Door, and I'm sure I'm missing many more. <br />
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This kid is accident prone though. Last weekend he fell and hit his mouth on the side of the TV. He was trying to plug up the cord to the back of the TV to play baby Einstein, when he slipped and fell. His tooth went ALL. THE. WAY. THROUGH. his bottom lip. James did a little hyperventilating. He's tough though. I have a feeling this is just the beginning. I have images of him riding Freckles bareback at a full gallop yelling "watch this mom"..... Yeah, I think I can feel a gray hair pushing it's way through right now...<br />
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And now, on to the holidays......Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1734219726455932798.post-79289307581475327512010-10-12T11:15:00.000-07:002011-10-06T12:08:28.591-07:00Welcome to the world!Connor Tyler Knittle was born yesterday, October 11, 2010 weighing in at 8 lbs even. I'm such a proud Aunt and cannot wait to meet this darling little boy. Ambers' labor was 22 hrs long, everything went very smoothly and after an hour of pushing Connor was born! He is the most handsome little man. As you can obviously see....<br />
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He looks like Amber to me, but I see Tyler in him too. Ahhhh babies are what make life worth living. Congrats to the proud Momma & Daddy. They are going to be wonderful parents. He is already loved so much. <br />
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I haven't been blogging like I should. I mean, this is my journal for Aden and I need to keep up with it more. We've cut out having Internet at home so it makes blogging very difficult! Anyway, Aden is growing up so much. He tries to copy everything we're saying. I bought him a Halloween, spider blanket, and I pointed at the spider and said "Spider, Aden" and he said "SPWIWER" or something similar sounding.<br />
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He had his 15 mo appointment yesterday. Three shots. Ughhh. That never gets easy. In fact, as they get older and more aware of what's going on, I believe it may be more difficult! Doctor said he is at a 20 mo level in his development. Down to 50 % on weight, still 75 % height and of course 98 % head circumference. No wonder it took him till 13 mos to learn to walk, his huge head is hard to balance! Big head === Big brains. <br />
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And here are some pictures from the last couple of months. <br />
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My little prince.</div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1734219726455932798.post-32916635957689396562010-09-03T13:46:00.000-07:002011-10-06T12:09:52.879-07:00Misc. RamblingsAhhhh, the weekend is near! Only a little under three hours until we set out on our hour-long drive home and begin our three day weekend. What's the plans? Well, we are going to the Fort Worth Zoo tomorrow, which I'm excited about. I cant wait to see how Aden reacts to it. Although he pretty much has a zoo at home. Dogs, Horses, Goats and one Donkey all within sight if you peek out our backdoor. Maybe I'll edit with pics this weekend. <br />
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The fog I've been in lately has started to lift and I can see slices of light peaking through. I would like to hit up the local Barnes and Nobles for some parenting books. See, from what I read, the stage that Aden has now entered is normal for his age (14 mos). But that doesn't mean its acceptable. He has taken a liking to slapping, pinching and biting. He thinks it's funny. Which sometimes, I'll admit, it's funny as shit when he bites James on the leg, not so much when it's my nipple. Anyway, so I figure a little parenting help is always good. I really don't know much else to do besides what I'm doing now, which is telling him "No, that hurts Mama, no biting." Then he proceeds to bite me again. I can tell you one thing. Thank god for the fact that I waited until the age I am now to have children. Could I have handled it at a much younger age? probably. would I had made the proper parenting decisions and given my child the tools to succeed in life, including that much needed area : discipline? I highly doubt it.<br />
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I have scheduled for new pictures of Aden to be made on Monday. I cant wait to see how they come out. I was going to try and re-create his missed 12 mo shoot, but I'm going to just pick a couple of outfits and go with the flow. I have a really cute cowboy hat I hope we get some good ones with.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1734219726455932798.post-52370440875694173322010-08-31T12:17:00.000-07:002010-08-31T12:47:02.958-07:00Hindsight is 20 20As I sit at my desk, day after day, I ALWAYS question what on earth I was thinking...I mean really!?! Before I got pregnant my biggest worry was if I'd be able to make it to the barn to ride before dark......or if I'd be ready for my Martha Josey barrel racing clinic....Now, I fight back the urge to break down and cry when I call to check on my baby and he's fussing in the back ground. <br />
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I hate it. I hate that I cant be there to nurse him to sleep, like he loves to do. I hate that I cant be there to teach him his words, shapes and colors. I hate even more that I worry that he'll be behind because of those things. Don't get me wrong, I do my best after working all day to come home and spend quality time doing those things. It's hard and if I'm spending all my free time making up for lost time with Aden, I don't have time to do other things. Like work around the house or ride Shasta. I have a wonderful barrel horse, in a pasture, outside my back door and I cant seem to find time to ride. How would I justify spending more time away for my baby boy?<br />
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I've found a wonderful, lovely lady, that is more than willing to help me haul to playdays and barrel races, all I need to do is do it....I mean that doesn't come along very often. So why don't I suck it up and do it? Well, here's why, even after riding and feeling like the barrel racing goal is becoming closer, who I want to be as a mother slips further away...I don't want to be that mother, the mother who chooses horses, or whatever it is, over time with her children. I feel the need to delete this post, because I feel like I'm complaining and taking everything I have for granted..but I wont apologize for being human, or for wanting to be a better person. <br />
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Yes, I decided not to sell Shasta. I thought letting her go would be easy. I thought it might even be a relief. I was wrong. I cried and begged James to do something, to somehow open that magical door he possesses and make things better. I kept her. I even started riding a bit and making new goals for myself, then the guilt sets in. The - I- don't- want- to - be -selfish- guilt. James tells me that it's not selfish and that I need time for myself, I know he's right. It doesn't change the overwhelming joy I feel on the weekends when I spend 24-7 with Aden, and the overwhelming despair I feel when I'm without him.<br />
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So, I'm going to feel sorry for myself for a minute. I'm going to envy all the stay at home moms that get to kiss their babies when they want to. I'm going to feel sorry for all the missed time, the unfinished baby book, the photos that still haven't been hung on the wall or sent out to family, the half-painted room and the fights I pick with James because, after all, it's his fault. (<----Sarcasm for the thick headed a**holes that read this.)<br />
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I know one thing, what I'm feeling right now goes away. As soon as I get home and see him it all goes away. Everything I'm feeling now fades and I'm happy. I feed him dinner and even "junk" sometimes:<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_P-omzcnmSC8/TH1Ql8NTQZI/AAAAAAAAAJQ/8cXuqMKftxI/s1600/44830_1531420282005_1129683158_31490526_6780960_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="480" ox="true" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_P-omzcnmSC8/TH1Ql8NTQZI/AAAAAAAAAJQ/8cXuqMKftxI/s640/44830_1531420282005_1129683158_31490526_6780960_n.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">And yes, I upload pics from my phone, because...you guessed it...I just don't have time to mess with my camera. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">AND, Aden took 5 steps yesterday. To me and no-one else. </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1734219726455932798.post-11775291162544275872010-08-25T11:33:00.000-07:002010-08-25T11:33:12.874-07:00Wordless Wednesday<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_P-omzcnmSC8/THVhGziAWDI/AAAAAAAAAIY/KbPh-zOV0-Q/s1600/39901_1510710564275_1129683158_31440023_265267_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" ox="true" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_P-omzcnmSC8/THVhGziAWDI/AAAAAAAAAIY/KbPh-zOV0-Q/s400/39901_1510710564275_1129683158_31440023_265267_n.jpg" width="400" /></a><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_P-omzcnmSC8/THVhJyZH-QI/AAAAAAAAAIg/9-Pvr7lo130/s1600/40398_1503388661232_1129683158_31420088_4786278_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" ox="true" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_P-omzcnmSC8/THVhJyZH-QI/AAAAAAAAAIg/9-Pvr7lo130/s400/40398_1503388661232_1129683158_31420088_4786278_n.jpg" width="400" /></a><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_P-omzcnmSC8/THVhLrnlIWI/AAAAAAAAAIo/pOOeoKfttyY/s1600/41084_1526382596066_1129683158_31478003_8223195_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" ox="true" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_P-omzcnmSC8/THVhLrnlIWI/AAAAAAAAAIo/pOOeoKfttyY/s400/41084_1526382596066_1129683158_31478003_8223195_n.jpg" width="400" /></a><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_P-omzcnmSC8/THVhNkxzoaI/AAAAAAAAAIw/GRBzfXjT5e0/s1600/44810_1526694643867_1129683158_31478453_3768386_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" ox="true" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_P-omzcnmSC8/THVhNkxzoaI/AAAAAAAAAIw/GRBzfXjT5e0/s400/44810_1526694643867_1129683158_31478453_3768386_n.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_P-omzcnmSC8/THVhWQymOxI/AAAAAAAAAJA/jdO51L_UvO4/s1600/untitled.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" ox="true" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_P-omzcnmSC8/THVhWQymOxI/AAAAAAAAAJA/jdO51L_UvO4/s400/untitled.bmp" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">The watermelon from our garden. </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0