Welcome to the world!

Connor Tyler Knittle was born yesterday, October 11, 2010 weighing in at 8 lbs even. I'm such a proud Aunt and cannot wait to meet this darling little boy. Ambers' labor was 22 hrs long, everything went very smoothly and after an hour of pushing Connor was born! He is the most handsome little man. As you can obviously see....

He looks like Amber to me, but I see Tyler in him too. Ahhhh babies are what make life worth living. Congrats to the proud Momma & Daddy. They are going to be wonderful parents. He is already loved so  much.

I haven't been blogging like I should. I mean, this is my journal for Aden and I need to keep up with it more. We've cut out having Internet at home so it makes blogging very difficult! Anyway, Aden is growing up so much. He tries to copy everything we're saying. I bought him a Halloween, spider blanket, and I pointed at the spider and said "Spider, Aden" and he said "SPWIWER" or something similar sounding.

 He had his 15 mo appointment yesterday. Three shots. Ughhh. That never gets easy. In fact, as they get older and more aware of what's going on, I believe it may be more difficult! Doctor said he is at a 20 mo level in his development. Down to 50 % on weight, still 75 % height and of course 98 % head circumference. No wonder it took him till 13 mos to learn to walk, his huge head is hard to balance! Big head === Big brains.

And here are some pictures from the last couple of months.

My little prince.

Misc. Ramblings

Ahhhh, the weekend is near! Only a little under three hours until we set out on our hour-long drive home and begin our three day weekend. What's the plans? Well, we are going to the Fort Worth Zoo tomorrow, which I'm excited about. I cant wait to see how Aden reacts to it. Although he pretty much has a zoo at home. Dogs, Horses, Goats and one Donkey all within sight if you peek out our backdoor. Maybe I'll edit with pics this weekend.

The fog I've been in lately has started to lift and I can see slices of light peaking through. I would like to hit up the local Barnes and Nobles for some parenting books. See, from what I read, the stage that Aden has now entered is normal for his age (14 mos). But that doesn't mean its acceptable. He has taken a liking to slapping, pinching and biting. He thinks it's funny. Which sometimes, I'll admit, it's funny as shit when he bites James on the leg, not so much when it's my nipple. Anyway, so I figure a little parenting help is always good. I really don't know much else to do besides what I'm doing now, which is telling him "No, that hurts Mama, no biting." Then he proceeds to bite me again. I can tell you one thing. Thank god for the fact that I waited until the age I am now to have children. Could I have handled it at a much younger age? probably. would I had made the proper parenting decisions and given my child the tools to succeed in life, including that much needed area : discipline? I highly doubt it.

I have scheduled for new pictures of Aden to be made on Monday.  I cant wait to see how they come out. I was going to try and re-create his missed 12 mo shoot, but I'm going to just pick a couple of outfits and go with the flow. I have a really cute cowboy hat I hope we get some good ones with.

Hindsight is 20 20

As I sit at my desk, day after day, I ALWAYS question what on earth I was thinking...I mean really!?! Before I got pregnant my biggest worry was if I'd be able to make it to the barn to ride before dark......or if I'd be ready for my Martha Josey barrel racing clinic....Now, I fight back the urge to break down and cry when I call to check on my baby and he's fussing in the back ground.

I hate it. I hate that I cant be there to nurse him to sleep, like he loves to do. I hate that I cant be there to teach him his words, shapes and colors. I hate even more that I worry that he'll be behind because of those things. Don't get me wrong, I do my best after working all day to come home and spend quality time doing those things. It's hard and if I'm spending all my free time making up for lost time with Aden, I don't have time to do other things. Like work around the house or ride Shasta. I have a wonderful barrel horse, in a pasture, outside my back door and I cant seem to find time to ride. How would I justify spending more time away for my baby boy?

I've found a wonderful, lovely lady, that is more than willing to help me haul to playdays and barrel races, all I need to do is do it....I mean that doesn't come along very often. So why don't I suck it up and do it?  Well, here's why, even after riding and feeling like the barrel racing goal is becoming closer, who I want to be as a mother slips further away...I don't want to be that mother, the mother who chooses horses, or whatever it is, over time with her children. I feel the need to delete this post, because I feel like I'm complaining and taking everything I have for granted..but I wont apologize for being human, or for wanting to be a better person.

Yes, I decided not to sell Shasta. I thought letting her go would be easy. I thought it might even be a relief. I was wrong. I cried and begged James to do something, to somehow open that magical door he possesses and make things better. I kept her. I even started riding a bit and making new goals for myself, then the guilt sets in. The - I- don't- want- to - be -selfish- guilt. James tells me that it's not selfish and that I need time for myself, I know he's right. It doesn't change the overwhelming joy I feel on the weekends when I spend 24-7 with Aden, and the overwhelming despair I feel when I'm without him.

So, I'm going to feel sorry for myself for a minute.  I'm going to envy all the stay at home moms that get to kiss their babies when they want to. I'm going to feel sorry for all the missed time, the unfinished baby book, the photos that still haven't been hung on the wall or sent out to family, the half-painted room and the fights I pick with James because, after all, it's his fault. (<----Sarcasm for the thick headed a**holes that read this.)

I know one thing, what I'm feeling right now goes away. As soon as I get home and see him it all goes away. Everything I'm feeling now fades and I'm happy. I feed him dinner and even "junk" sometimes:

And yes, I upload pics from my phone, because...you guessed it...I just don't have time to mess with my camera.

AND, Aden took 5 steps yesterday. To me and no-one else.

Wordless Wednesday

The watermelon from our garden.

Every little thing....

Reminds me of how quickly Aden is growing up. My little sister is having a baby. This past weekend we all went to Houston for her baby shower. Saturday we went with Amber and Ty to help them with their maternity pics. They came out awesome! It's just so weird to think that last year just a few months prior Amber was in Dallas helping me with MY maternity pics. Funny how life works out like that. Aden and Connor will only be 1 year and 3 mos apart! It's just too bad we live 4 1/2 hrs away!

I'm happy for them though. They have so many people down there that are going to help them in such HUGE ways. Really, I don't think they'll realize just how much that's going to mean in a few months. It's good to know they wont want for a baby sitter, that's for sure! Mr. Connor is the first grand baby down there, so he's going to be SPOILED! Just how God intended babies to be. It was also great to see some of our family that live close to Houston that we don't get to see very often.

On another note, December has been weighing on my mind. In December it will be 10 years that James and I have been together. Yes, we have always celebrated that date. The date we fell in love. It just seems rights since we never had an actual "wedding". I always said on our ten year I wanted to have a real wedding! Doesn't look like that will happen but I'm so happy that we've made it this far and have accomplished this much together. Our love has been the glue that keeps us together, year after year. Hopefully we can think of a nice way to celebrate it this year!

Eye on the prize.

It's hard for me to keep my eye on the prize. Which the "prize" for me at this point is paying off our debt so that I can be a SAHM with Aden and hopefully to a new baby in at least two years. Two years seems like a long way away but in reality it's nothing. Really, I was looking at some old videos of mine on YouTube when I first got Shasta and it's been FOUR YEARS since I got her. It doesn't even seem real. I feel like I did not reach my goal I had intended on when I purchased Shasta (my barrel racing horse) at all. This makes me sick. Just sick. But things change and sometimes new goals replace old ones. The truth of the matter is no matter how much I love being around and riding horses; I know my time with my family at this stage is irreplaceable.


This is why I’m so determined to keep on track with our current “plan”. I'm trying to stay positive. Every day working and being away from Aden when I want to be a home putting all my effort into him, it's hard. I love my family so deeply and want what's best for us all.

AND, I need to lose this baby weight. 20 lbs and they're not budging. I need to get an obtainable goal and stick with it. I think the main problem here is that there are just not enough hours in the day to complete my never ending task that I know I need to do. I've decided to "commit" to working out on my lunch break. I love food too much to "starve" the baby weight off which means the only other way is to burn it off!

Side note:

I intended this blog to be a place where everyone could go on updates on Aden. While it's done just that, it's also a place where I can go and just write out what's going on in my head. Cheap therapy is what Stephanie called it! And that it is. Anyway, I'm rambling sorry. I just wanted to thank all of my dear friends and family that read it and comment on my blog. Y'all have no idea how much that means to me. Thank you!

Aden has such the little personality. My mini - me for sure. Remember when he was crawling / climbing on the dishwasher.

Like this.

Well he has "upgraded" to this:

The months of summer are flying by.

12 Month check-up!

Today we had Aden's 12 mo wellness check up. It went good. I think I'm getting slightly better about the shots. I didn't feel like I was going to pass out this time. Yeah, this coming from someone who went to nursing school & has been giving Grandma her shot every morning for the last month! It's different when it's your baby though.

Aden is 25 lbs, 30 1/2 inches long and I don't remember the head circumference but I know that it's in the 100 percentile. His height & weight are now at the 75 %. I told the doc about him not taking ANY milk during the day. She said while he doesn't have to have a bottle, he needs three six ounce sippy cups of whole milk or formula a day. Which explains why he hasn't gained any weight in over a month. I told Anthony to give him a sippy cup of BM or next step formula with his lunch. Well three hours later I get this text "Can I put some chocolate syrup in his milk?" To which I promptly reply "NOOOO"!! I called to ask him why he would ask such a thing and he tells me that Aden wont TOUCH IT. I call the doctor and she said to get a table spoon and force - feed him 12 spoons of formula/BM..I didn't tell Anthony to do that. I just told him to give him some Ice water (his favorite..I know weird kid). I guess I'll have to work with him all weekend to get him to drink some milk.

Other than that the appointment went really well. She was very impressed with his development and according to the charts he's at a 19 month level. She wasn't concerned about him not walking, said the fact that he stands up on his own without pulling up on anything and can balance for several minutes shows he could take off..he might just be a little cautious. Which I'm thankful for. I don't want my heart in my throat all the time, thank you!

He did okay with the shots, he got his chicken pox. MMR, and TB.

I have to say that I love my pediatrician. I have NEVER and I mean NEVER come in contact with such a thorough doctor. She goes over everything in DETAIL. From what meals he should be eating down to the exact food and hour to have it, to what kinds of educational toys to purchase and what activities to do with him daily to prepare him for school and to be ahead, way ahead.

Something like this is what she suggested we do:

7am-8am Breakfast:

6 ounces whole milk or Formula, 1 serving protein, 1 serving grain, 2 serving Fruit

10am-

Light snack: 1 Grain 2 veggies w/ice water

11-12pm Lunch:

6 ounces whole milk/Formula 1 serving protein, 1 serving grain, 2-3 serving veggies

You get the idea! And for activities:

Purchase small table & chair for preschoolers and start working with him on holding a crayon correctly and drawling on paper. Pick one color a day and work with him on it around the house. Example: Put together flash cards and blocks, pick up a yellow block and say "look Aden Yellow block", then show him a picture of a yellow duck and do the same. Instead of walking around the house hop like a "frog" or waddle like a "duck"..again, you get the picture. This is just a FRACTION of the activities she told us to do with him. Also, counting, start counting everything 1 2 3 then 3 2 1.


I always leave feeling bad though. I cant be home with him to make sure he's on a set schedule or eating the exact why he should be, or teaching him those wonderful activities everyday that will aid in his brain growth and development. It's true if you're not constantly challenging your brain, you wont magically end up with a high intelligence level. For most normal people it takes hard work. Of course I do what I can when I get home and on weekends. I just want the best for him and I know if I was home, I could do so much to help him learn and be ahead of the curve! I will do my best for him, that I know for sure.